June 17, 2018
Thanks for joining me!
I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection. – Sigmund Freud
I was told by experts that the mechanics of creating a blog is not as easy as it looks. And I thought creating my first blog post would be like taking out the trash, raking the leaves, cleaning out the dryer filter at the back of the house…easy peasy. WRONG. Thanks to my wife, the incredible Lisa , for giving me some tips and insight as I go along. As they say in church, please be patient with me, God is not through with me yet…
Took my youngest daughter Taylor to see Incredibles 2 today. I took my stepdaughter to see the first one; Dawn was 10 years old then, now she’s 24 and going with a date (or as Lisa would say, “little guy”). Dawn would wait for me to take her to all the Hunger Games movies, so I have that. The reason I mention Incredibles is because I’ve been to enough of the Pixar movies with both daughters to know that they will usually show an original-well made short film before the main feature. Pixar did with Incredibles 2, and I think it’s their best short. It’s titled Bao, and is about a mother and her “dumpling”. Although the dad is not in much of the story, he makes a great contribution toward the end. I feel like a dad is many times like a hostage negotiator in those cop movies, making people reveal themselves and face the consequences.
It’s a Monday in April at 6:15am. I get up, take a shower and find clothes to wear for my job, which is a 70 mile commute to and from each workday . After watching 15 minutes of CBS This Morning, I go downstairs to find Lisa and Taylor going over yesterday’s homework one last time. Dawn takes about 15 minutes to get ready for work (I don’t wanna know how, as long as she looks presentable and doesn’t stink). Dawn never fully adapted to a college curriculum, but her selling skills are top-shelf. I get a quick lunch put together (I brown bag it, cheaper than buying lunch at a restaurant every day), make sure I have everything (laptop bag, keys, lunch, work ID, wallet) and usually make a return trip between the house and car before I go (getting on US 20 and THEN forgetting your wallet is scary), drop Taylor off at school on school days and ride I-20 for about 50 minutes. This is my current normal – but it was not always this way, and sometimes it changes and evolves. What is daddy’s routine for work in your house? Job down the street? Work from home? On the road for weeks at a time? Night shift? Part time? On a visit to my parents in Chicago some time ago, I told my nephew that I had to return to South Carolina because I had to go back to work. My nephew replied, “Daddies don’t work, MOMMIES work.” My sister divorced her husband when my nephew was a toddler, and my father was retired, so the only people my nephew saw going to work was his grandmother and mother.
Some stats for you:
70.1 million – estimated number of fathers across the nation (Census Fatherhood Statistics, 2013)
24.7 million – Number of fathers who were part of married couple families with children younger than 18 (Census ,2013)
Girls with strong relationships with their fathers do better in mathematics (Fatherhood and Family Policy, M.E. Lambert and A. Sagi, 1983)
Boys with actively involved fathers tend to get better grades and perform better on achievement tests (Paternal Factors in Child Development, C.T. Werfport, 1993).
“Our children don’t need us to be superheroes. They don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be present. They need us to show up and give it our best shot.” – former President Barak Obama
I’m sure many of you have run into instances where a person is yelling (sometimes using profanity) at a toddler in public. A parent walking a kid with dirty, too-tight clothes and a new pair of baby Jordans. Some kids scream hysterically as daddy leaves the house, or look indifferent toward the departure. The purpose of tis blog is to tell my story – and hear your stories – of your challenges, pains and triumphs as a father in a blended family, where there are kids from another relationship, as well as kids from your current relationship. I have run into fathers who “just don’t know what to do”, as well as fathers who believe they can discipline the same way their fathers did in the 60s, 70s and 80s – in the land of social media, EVERYTHING has changed. We can debate (no cussing), for my desire to listen and help families and fathers is bigger than my feelings. Again, I don’t fashion myself as an expert – and I would like to share my struggles, screwups and victories to assist others. Thanks for reading; I plan to update entries once a week – and I’d like to hear from you.
From the Desk of Daddy D 