The Walking Alive

Hello everybody.

I have lived long enough to experience an all-out, plain-as-day, undisputable BURNOUT. Not just a rough patch, but a thorny, dry patch peppered with dog poop.
I have been in a major funk.

I understand when people say, “It’s Sunday night, and I’m dreading work already.” My situation was that I was dreading work, dreading driving back home, dreading BEING home, wondering why every decision I made was either scrutinized, dismissed or ignored. Or why I felt that way. My depression was deep. I had to keep going, had to pay bills, had to let Taylor know everything’s OK. But I could only do that for so long.
So…I’m still here. What did I do, you ask (see, I believe people are listening to me now)?
I decided…
1 – Not to beat myself up for not meeting goals I set earlier for my life (Be at X place in my career by X age, have X amount of money by year X, improve my health by X percent…). How dedicated was I actually to those goals? Am I suffering physically or a great deal mentally now because of those decisions? Every day I wake up the next morning is another opportunity.
2 – Realizing that every day may be a test of your compassion, your ability to truly “practice what you preach.” My pastor said today that if you gave the prayer for a stress-free life, you will probably find out that specific prayer is never answered. We leave quotes on social media stating how blessed we are on Monday morning, and on Tuesday that the breakthrough we asked for is coming to pass – then get pissed off because the person at Burger King put pickles on your whopper and you specifically told the person THREE TIMES no pickles.

Sometimes every confrontation is an opportunity to test your strength (and we need to bring God in the room with us, ‘cause we’re weak, and we need some strength to say the right thing). I’m not talking about being a wimp and caving in, I’m taking about providing more of the “whys” instead of it just being your way or the highway, and letting folks know that no one gets EVERYTHING they want, not without sometimes paying a price (Bad credit but can get a car? The interest will eat you alive. And look at what the “Me Too” movement has done to powerful and influential men).
That person who forgot the pickles…is he stressed out too? You’re enjoying your Saturday afternoon and he’s surrounded by hot grease and a yelling manager. The person who always cuts in on your conversations…maybe she goes home to only four walls, or to a family that’s distant, and the only time she gets to have a civil conversation in when you’re around. Some of us like to get, as comedian George Carlin used to say, the “good bread” in the middle of the loaf, have been doing it for years, and is it worth it to have a shouting match over something valued at $2? Sorry, having a flashback.
At some point, everyone is broken a little bit. It may be an event from childhood, a disappointment as an adult, a tragic loss. I’m glad I have faith in a Father who will always forgive me (doesn’t mean the punishment will go away) and will not abandon me when I need help the most.
I’m taking it day by day now, finding things that give me reason to smile, laugh and keep going. I’m also involved with a group that mentors young people as well as a men’s ministry. If it’s bad for you right now, you may want to get with a group, and seek counseling if necessary. Lots of people have no problem with a goal of having a healthy body, and a sound mind is just as important. Even if you consider yourself an introvert, 30-45 minutes a week with another person/people can make a significant difference in how you view life. I’ve heard examples that make what I’m going through look like small potatoes, and have also been provided assistance and suggestions from others who went through similar situations as myself. Never be afraid to ask for help.
Take it easy, ya’ll.