Don’t Make Me Come In There!!!

Hello everybody,

 

How do you feel about “whoopings”? I’m not a parent who gives whoopings, and for the most part, I’ve had no reason to be. I truly believe that the whole “go outside and find me a switch”, being hit with extension cords, chasing kids with a belt while they’re jumping up and down is related to slavery, with massa disciplining his property that got “out of line”.

Believe me, I know there are some kids who act as though they are possessed by Satan, causing chaos and harm to themselves as well as others. The beatings are a temporary relief, but a relief nonetheless. What percentage of kids who get a taste of genuine cowhide on their backside never get in trouble again? My question…what type of discipline produces long term results? I think it’s a combination of Identification, Honesty and Sticking to the Plan.

Identification – as much as I can, I try to address the undesired behavior as soon as it happens, to leave little room for “He (the OTHER party) does that all the time, you didn’t see it…” That way both parties agree to the same recollection of the incident. Be prepared to address wrongdoing, while during the football game, while washing the car, before going out with the crew – It also lets kids know you care enough to drop everything so things don’t slide.

Honesty – The most important thing to me when dealing with my kids is honesty. If you failed the exam and need help, tell me so we can develop solutions before you try elaborate Wile E. Coyote – type schemes to hide grading information. If you swung first in the fight, tell me so – Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee and Clint Eastwood swung first after ignoring the taunts of bullies for an extended period. Just about everyone has met a bully in their lifetime, and let’s be honest – ignoring them, or going to a parent that would make that bully even angrier sometimes does not do the job. It’s a fact of life, sometimes you gotta kick ass to be a peacemaker (I heard that in a Superman movie – always cracks me up). I also let kids know of my disappointment if I know they could have solved an issue differently. You have to let kids know what you expect, what a Great Job is. Not just Great Job, but Great Job in getting the only 100% score on the science exam, Great Job in cleaning your room without me asking you this week, Great Job in picking out that stylish outfit for school today (girls really like it when daddy says they look great). Then, when the disappointment comes, they can’t say you only come to them when things are wrong, and you are also specifically telling them what disappointed you, and why (You did not take out your dog at 7am as promised, and now there’s poop in the kitchen).

 

Sticking to the Plan – If you’re gonna punish, PUNISH. I know a lot of you may talk like you’re Sargent Daddy, and folks tremble when you speak. And kids can be good at giving you your desired results for the moment, but just like in real life, they need to know bad behavior has consequences. Harvey Weinstein can’t be a model citizen for the next two weeks and expect not to be punished for past misdeeds (hopefully). The Me Too movement and Muller investigations may be effective examples for older kids on how no one should be exempt form hurting people or having a history of misconduct.

How many of us have those “My mother/father didn’t play that” scenarios? There wasn’t Netflix, iPhones, Instagram to distract parents then. And if you did something wrong while mom was watching “the stories” (soap operas in the afternoon on TV)…a fate worse than death. Discipline is a tricky thing, no two kids are alike, one process that gets a kid “sacred straight” may turn another inti Lil Scarface. I’m interested in knowing what has and has not worked for you.

Last thing – as I type this, it’s December 24. What is your favorite Christmas song? I know I’m getting old when people say “This Christmas” and they mean the Chris Brown version. At least “Santa Baby” is still Catwoman’s song (the oldheads know what I mean). My favorite is from a Bing Crosby TV special from the 1960s. Somehow, Crosby did a duet with David Bowie on “The Little Drummer Boy” that is really well done. It shows that if you can sing, you can sing with ANYONE. Those guys were on different ends of the musical spectrum – it’s like when Lady Gaga sings with Tony Bennett, and like that pairing, Crosby and Bowie works. And the message is very relevant today. Merry Christmas.