Hello everybody.
30 extra pounds ago
Started watching the R. Kelly documentary on Lifetime network. Lisa refuses to watch, as I suppose many women who are familiar with an incident of abuse at the hands of those with influence. I ended up watching most of the episodes on my tablet in the middle of the night. I’m on the last episode – man, it’s fascinating and a struggle to get through at the same time.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Being a native of Chicago, the R Kelly sextape in the early 2000s was available like jailbroken fire sticks today. It’s no doubt to me that the person on that tape is Kelly, and how he escaped persecution is astounding. Those of you who have daughters, realize you have to be vigilant and consistently aware of what influences your girls. Don’t just tell ‘em what to do; set an example. Be the man who knows how/when to defend your girls when anyone gets out of pocket. That young lady at the McDonalds, butt-kicking hero that she was, should not have been the only one willing to defend herself when a crazy patron grabbed her shirt and threatened her with physical harm. Let our girls know what a civil debate looks like, and be willing to apologize for the SELDOM instances of heated arguments with mom with your daughter in attendance. If you are apologizing on the regular, you are like those wife beaters (I’m not saying you are one) in the Lifetime movies where Jean Smart/Donna Mills/Heather Locklear kill the guy with the man’s own shotgun at the end.
We also know that no one is perfect. Mel Gibson said he felt “the holy ghost was working through me” while directing The Passion of the Christ, and I believe him. Gibson also wished that his ex-wife be assaulted bay a “pack” of n-words in an abusive phone call. Kelly created the song “I Believe I Can Fly” literally in his head (Kelly had admitted being poor at reading and writing), which was an inspirational staple at elementary schools for years. Kelly also created the song “Feeling on Your Booty,” a 180 degree turn from the previously mentioned song.
During the documentary, there were times when Kelly’s brothers referred to Robert as “the runt,” the sensitive one of the family. I feel we need to be careful with labels – you may create an unwanted future. If Kelly felt like a runt with those who were supposed to be his support system, no amount of fame or fortune may be a cure-all for those feelings. And sensitivity is a strength – it allows you to have compassion for others, to provide assistance when one feels hurt or is down. If someone consistently congratulated Kelly for his early successes despite the odds, and put morals above money, we might have had a different outcome. I was noticing how Danny DeVito, an actor for decades, consistently plays characters who are in charge, or give advice, although DeVito is barely 5 feet tall. DeVito’s personality is too “tall” to be ignored.
I’m curious about the people who are referring to the “survivors” in the documentary as gold-diggers and either deserved or should accept what happened. Your job as a man is to be like Simon Cowell sometimes (a man who slept with his best friend’s wife – boy, folks are complicated) and tell the truth. If you can’t sing, or this ain’t about singing, say that. I know of a talent manager who conducts all of his one-on-one meetings with women with his office door open, and his assistant close by (he did this BEFORE the Me Too movement). Men, how would you like some guy (yes, a guy, cause you know how we can act) lock the door while in a one-on-one meeting with you and start rubbing your shoulders? Even if you’re gay, this is not what the meeting was supposed to be about. You may probably fight back, job be damned – are you teaching your daughters that NOTHING is more important than believing in themselves? R Kelly, Chris Brown, Louis CK ain’t the only people in this world – work hard, get your hustle on, and the opportunities will come with those who respect you.
Kelly asked that some of the young ladies refer to him as “Daddy” and ask permission to go to the kitchen, restroom, the mall, etc. I don’t take the word “Daddy” lightly. Daddy D is used by my stepdaughter Dawn, after I married Lisa and Dawn was 4 years old. It signified that I did not want to take anything away from Dawn’s natural dad, and I was willing to take on the responsibilities of fatherhood with a new person in my life. Now I feel like the dad on the old TV show Happy Days (Mr C). Young people call me Mr D or Daddy D, nieces and nephews call me Uncle D – and Daddy means you are responsible for the upbringing, security and development of a new generation. The word is not used to control a person who already has an earthly father, and it damn sure is not for a reference when having intercourse. When we pray, we may say “Our Father, who art in heaven…” God is our father, ya’ll. He’s there to protect us, says He is the only one who should judge us, and forgives us when we are at our worst. To have that Daddy name used as a manipulative tool is disgusting.
I went to see the Aquaman movie yesterday, and there’s a scene where there is a father/son duo of tech pirates who attempt to kill the crew of a submarine. Aquaman foils this plan, and when he finds out the relationship of the duo, walks over to the father and says “He’s your son? You should be ashamed of yourself.”
I understand that I am fortunate to be raised in a two parent household, and still have may mother and father alive to talk with today. The R Kelly documentary stated Kelly faced abuse as a youngster, which I’m sure shaped his world view. This is why we gotta raise our daughters and sons to be confident, strong-willed individuals (that young lady at McDonald’s is gonna do some great things in the future) and let our young men know that respect and honesty, no matter how you were treated in the past, are the most attractive attributes in a person. I’m Daddy D, and I approved this message.
My mom and Taylor, 2012
From the Desk of Daddy D 